THIS AIN'T YOUR AVERAGE WEDDING GIFT

Don't ask why, but my subject for this posting is the world's greatest toaster, for a friend in need. Is there anything more soothing in the morning than a slice of toast, jam and a hot cup of tea? Some might say toast is toast, and a toaster is just a toaster. Do not listen. They know not from where they speak.

"Show me someone who understands the complexities of toast,

and I'll show you a man of letters"

(I think Shakespeare said it first).

I read somewhere that when a Michelin star chef does a job interview, all they ask their potential sous chefs to do is cook an egg, because it is in the appreciation of what others consider banal that marks true genius. Such is the underappreciated nature of toast.

The picture above is the Dualit 4 slice toaster, known all over the world as the ultimate kitchen appliance. One might say once you have owned a Dualit, you have made it in the world. This, my friends, is the toaster craved by Miranda in Sex and the City (the princess of chic). This is the one, and let me tell you why it is worth the $170.00 (Of course you could pay more...they have a 6 slice model that is the object of Wolfgang Puck's wettest of dreams).

The bread doesn't pop up when done - rather than have one of those temperamental spring catch things, Dualit toasters have manual levers. You can set the bread to toast for the length of time you want using the time, and when it pings finished, the heater grills switch off but the bread stays put and remains warm until you go to retrieve it.

You can pick a Dualit to cook one, two, or all four slices, completely your choice. Meant for commercial use as much as anything, they are all about high capacity (up to 130 slices / hour, all nicely browned) and a long life span. But most of all, they have the widest and tallest slots available in the industry today. This will satisfy all of your breakfast desires.

So, my friend, I implore you...no, I beg you to consider owning the best for once in your shitty little life. There will be comfort in the knowledge as you plod the endless treadmill of life, ultimately leading you nowhere, that you will be waking up to, and driving home to, the very best toaster known to man. Live a little, and stay away from the Hamilton Beachs of the world. They are mass produced pieces of crap solely designed to quiet the common man's outrage over the endless, futile struggles in life (retail price $20, available in three colors...almond, white and aluminum).

Now I feel better Sean.

If not for me you could have made the biggest mistake of your life.

Toast long, and toast hard my friend.

And if you get a little burnt, scrape it off and try, try again.