Sunday, December 28, 2008

THE 10 BIGGEST BONEHEADS OF 2008 ....... "The Kimba awards"

1. Mitt Romney: By trying to represent himself as ultra right wing while McCain drove to the middle, Romney blew his every chance of getting the nomination. He should have positioned himself as having conservative values, and having moderate views on every thing else. The conservative portrayal attempt was easily attacked through millions of sound bites from his Massachusetts Governor days, which identified him as the ultimate liar and flip-flopper. Then again, how economically savvy could he be; during the primary season, Romney invested over 6 himself.
2. Elliott Spitzer: A bright career built as a reformer and crusader for law and order in New York, he threw away any hope for career advancement through his continued patronage of high priced prostitutes. Records show Spitzer spent a near fortune on call girls during the course of the year, and he apparently got his moneys worth, cause nobody got fucked harder than his career, besides his wife, who actually appeared with him during his public mea culpa.
3. Bill Clinton: While campaigning for his wife Hillary, he continued to make public gaffes in the press, who baited him with ease at almost every opportunity. Once considered the "first black president," his unfortunate comments resulted in the ire of the black community, who ultimately painted him as a bigot. He succeeded in becoming a distraction and an embarrassment to the campaign of his wife, arguably one of the most qualified and politically adept candidates to run for office in quite some time. While he should have reminded voters of the Clinton era good times, his appearances did more to remind voters of the Clinton circus than anything David Axlerod could have done. During the primary, Bill Clinton got his penis caught in his zipper more times than.....well......President Bill Clinton. Only this time, he didn't leave his DNA on a size 16 blue cocktail dress, he left it spread all over the southern red states.
4. Sarah Palin: Could any negative list not contain her name in 2008? She went rogue, pushed her own platform, and took the calls for her limited experience and turned them into concerns for her limited intelligence. Her inability to answer even the softest interview questions from a journalistic lightweight such as Katie Couric was excruciating to watch. The highlights of her ineptness were highlighted when a Canadian comedy duo prank called her and convinced her she was talking to French President Nicolas Sarkozy, and when asked about her experience, she tried to explain why Alaska's proximity to Russia gave her foreign policy experience. The only person who capitalized on the Palin campaign, was Tina Fey, who got major laughs by merely repeating the incredibly insipid things Palin said in public..
5. Rod Blagojevich: arrested by FBI agents for a "staggering" level of corruption involving pay-to-play politics in Illinois' top office. Blagojevich is accused of a wide-ranging criminal conspiracy, including alleged attempts by the governor to try to sell or trade the U.S. Senate seat left vacant by President-elect Barack Obama in exchange for financial benefits for the governor and his wife. Blajo, in a position to fill the vacated Obama spot in the senate, actually thought ticket scalping was the way to go, bringing even Chicago politics to its knees.
6. John Edwards: positioned himself as the most experienced politician closest to Obama's platforms, he threw away a very good chance at running on the Obama ticket through his frequent philandering, while his wife remained at home fighting a potentially fatal case of cancer. Edwards is by any standard, a weasel with a $400.00 haircut, which is an insult to ferrets everywhere.
7. John McCain: Many pundits thought it would be nearly impossible for any Republican to win election to the White House immediately after the Bush II administration, but McCain survived, nearly made a run at it, and kept the contest very close to the very end. He made several gaffes during the campaign, but his quote that "the economy was fundamentally strong" while the economy continued to slide and crumble, hurt him immensely. His pick of Sarah Palin as a running mate may have been the last nail in his political coffin. Given a sluggish economy, and his admitted lack of economic acumen, his refusal to name Mitt Romney as his running mate (an economic guru) confounded his party base, and delighted the liberal base.
8. Mark Penn: Clinton political strategist, and rumored political genius, he got out-spent, out-spoken, out-messaged, and out-smarted. He took the slam dunk candidate of the year, and fumbled the ball with a complete lack of focus and consistent vision. At a price tag of around $12 million dollars, he even made the CEO of Lehman Brothers salary look like a bargain.
9. Carly Fiorina: Talk about your bad spells; who can go on record as driving Hewlitt Packard to near ruin, then driving John McCain to his third failed attempt at the big prize. Having done all the top Sunday political talk shows, she proved to be the least likable guest this side of Newt. Carly has been such a disappointment, the National Organisation of Women have reportedly demanded the return of her vagina, and asked her to disassociate herself with the feminine gender.
10. George Bush (King George II): He is the least liked Prez in generations, and the architect of eight years of absolute failure. It would take a micron telescope to find anything he did right. He trashed our relationships around the world, brought our economy to its knees (taking a Clinton surplus to the largest deficit in American history), and butchered the English language. His most profound period may have been when he stood on an a U.S. battleship in front of huge banner that declared "mission accomplished." A bright point came when he needed to pardon the sentence of his top aide Scooter Libby, who jumped onto the bullet when it was discovered your administration actually outed a covert CIA operative. As a president, George Bush couldn't hit his ass with a handful of fish hooks. The only thing he accomplished was elevating his father from the bottom on the worst president list. Sometimes it doesn't skip a generation. He is so bad, even Jimmy Carter is laughing, and that is saying a ton.


Anonymous said...

Speaking of weasels, did you know that the ferret is one of only three weasels to not have the word weasel in its name?

Also of note: the ermine, another of the three, is brown in summer and white in the winter to camoflague itself to its enemies? Not only does it undergo a color change, but it is called an ermine in summer when it is brown, and a stoat in winter, when its coat is white.

Whereas John Edwards never does change his spots.

Papa Giorgio said...


I have a feeling this is Kimba.