1. If you go anywhere and there's a line (besides the unemployment office), the stimulus is working.
2. If you go to the food bank and there isn't a line, the stimulus is working.
3. If people stop adopting pets from the dog pound for meat, the stimulus is working.
4. If your local grocery store got Velveeta off their shortage list, the stimulus is working.
5. If you go to a restaurant, and see someone leaving a tip, the stimulus is working.
6. If your local prostitute stops accepting food stamps as payment, the stimulus is working.
7. If the collection plate on Sunday has any paper on it at all besides an IOU, the stimulus is working.
8. If you stop keeping Jack's value menu committed to memory, the stimulus is working.
9. If one of your credit cards no longer declines, the stimulus is working.
10. If your 12 year old starts sneaking into your wallet again looking to steal money, the stimulus is working.
11. If you start turning up your nose at Spam again, the stimulus is working.
12. If you start shopping at Costco on Sundays to actually buy something, and not to feed your family lunch, the stimulus is working.
13. If you get off the freeway and the man holding up a sign that says "will work for food" isn't your dry cleaner, the stimulus is working.
14. If you start feeling bad about beating the shit out of a girl scout for her cookies, the stimulus is working.
15. If the Obama cabinet starts paying off their back taxes, the stimulus is working.
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