A CELLULAR MEA CULPA

Anyone who knows me knows I hate........well I "hate" a lot of things.........odd things, like people who wear sunglasses indoors, men who suck on a straw (men gulp, women suck), tattoos, men wearing shorts with colored socks, human feet, sweat pants with writing across the rear, the list goes on and on. Most of all, I hate people who continually wear their blue tooth earphone 24/7 which makes them look like a bad Mr. Spock wanna-be.

There is nothing more irritating than someone engaging in a blue tooth phone conversation within ear shot. If you assume they are talking to you, you look the fool. If you assume they are on the phone (which is the correct assumption since they have that blue tooth piece of crap in their ears) when they are speaking and ignore them, you are rude. It is a no win situation.

And so it is my sincerest apologies that I announce that my boss just bought me a Blackberry.

And now I Kimba, constant critic of all things in a world gone mad, will occasionally be seen tooling around L.A. talking to myself , with a $100 piece of crap firmly lodged in my ear, like I am desperately trying to make people think I am something special. Like it or not, I am now a pathetic, card carrying member of the egghead and social strivers club of Los Angeles, first class.

Oh, but you don't even know the worst of it. I have texted (or is it just text?). Two weeks ago I couldn't even get my stubby fingers to differentiate between the ridiculously small alphabet keys on the damn thing. Now I can text with equal skill of anyone over the age of thirty. I am no match for my eleven year old daughter, but I am pretty friggin' proficent for a guy who holds anyone who texts in such high contempt.

So there it is. My mea culpa. My apology, my retraction from previous posts, my deepest regrets, not to mention my complete inability to hover (at least in my mind) above the mindless sheep of the world. I am now a flat lined brain waved drone like the rest of the world. The world has finally beaten me down. I have succumb to it. But, for the record, I am only wearing this as a condition for continued employment, which does at least save me a modicum of self respect, and slightest shred of dignity.